From next month’s FHM magazine…
WITHOUT ANY DOUBT it can be a great problem. One’s trout-fishing outfit can easily fall into disrepair. In this article, Dr Paul Weymss, of the University of Wem, explains, in easy-to-follow terms, how best to maintain your equipment and win over otherwise suspicious onlookers.
It is of fundamental importance, if not imperative, that you keep your rod in tip-top condition. I find that the most suitable method is, to start with, to fit a stout rubber fig.1tube to the extremity of the instrument (see fig.1), remembering to grasp the cork firmly in the right hand whilst keeping an eye upon the clock. Always bear in mind that some of the leading practitioners are professional and can do this in fifteen minutes or even less. After fitting the cork into a comfortable position, apply the fluid pressure gently at first, but increasing through the operation. Ensure that the pulley system (see fig.2) is not tangled in with the stout rubber tube, or you might have to start afresh. A dollop of plasticene™ can come in useful, and leading trout fishermen are often seen keeping plasticene behind the ear. It is generally not a requirement to overhaul the pulley-system but it can become easily tangled in pondweed, overhanging branches and parts of Denmark. The anode must not be confused with the 2M Ohm resistor, or the valveholder will get stuck in the holes (one side only). The second stage of the operation is rather simpler, but does require safety clothing, such as a well-knotted silk tie and close-fitting waist-coat (see fig.3). A well-clenched pipe will give an indefeasible aura of competence and you will find, after only a little practice, a small but perfectly formed audience will gather (see fig.4) and can often be invited to inspect your trout-fishing outfit at close quarters. At that point, the vital importance of keeping the equipment in good order and free from clogging will become clear. It’s amazing what you can catch! Happy fishing. This is a shorter version of an article that first appeared in The Spectator.

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